3 critical concepts to not mess up our kids.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent: Why “Good Enough” is the Secret to Raising Healthy Kids (And Keeping Your Sanity)

In 2026, we are drowning in parenting advice. Here is why ignoring the “experts,” finding your own rhythm, and mastering the “Dad Pause” might be the best things you ever do for your family’s longevity.

By Dr. Graham Jenkins

Introduction: The Ironic Conversation

I had an ironic conversation with a mom who came in for her adjustment this week. She was lying on the table, staring at the ceiling, visibly vibrating with stress. She started unloading about her firstborn—the sleep schedules, the feeding apps, the developmental milestones, the worry that she was doing it all wrong.

As I listened, I found myself smiling. Not because her pain was funny, but because I saw my own reflection in her words.

This blog post is a response to that conversation. It is a confession, a reflection, and hopefully, a permission slip for every parent reading this to take a deep breath.

I wish I was this smart 15 years ago when my wife and I started having kids. But as they say, wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have been talking.

Confession: The “Expert” Trap

I need to come clean. I am a bit “over the top” when it comes to trying to have all the answers. It’s part of my personality type. I like data. I like plans. I like blueprints.

So, when we found out we were going to be parents years ago, we didn’t just buy diapers; we bought a library.

Back then—before algorithms fed us parenting hacks on TikTok every 30 seconds—we actually went to the bookstore. We would stand in the aisle at Chapters, staring at the spines of hundreds of books, reading the intros to see if this was the “Holy Grail” of parenting.

Here is the hilarious thing: I actually thought we could figure this parenting thing out by reading a book.

I approached raising a human being the same way I approached biochemistry class: Study the material, pass the test, get the result.

If you are a new parent, or if you are thinking about becoming one, please hear me on this: Read all you can. I am not saying you shouldn’t try to improve yourself. Education is one of the pillars of our Mind Tenet at 100+ Living.

But my #1 mistake was thinking that an author was an expert just because they wrote a book.

The parenting book industry should be forced to issue a warning label on every single publication. It should read:

WARNING: The content you are about to read is an OPINION PIECE, not a textbook. Results may vary. Your child is not a robot.

The “Cry It Out” Regret

I want to share a painful example of why blind faith in “experts” is dangerous.

One strategy we read about in a best-selling book was the “Cry It Out” method. The author sounded so confident. They had charts. They had testimonials. They promised that if we just let our son scream in his crib, he would learn to self-soothe and we would all sleep like kings.

Unfortunately, given my personality of liking structure, we over-applied this to our son.

He cried it out, all right. It was horrible. I remember sitting outside his door, listening to him sob, gripping the book like a shield, telling myself, “This is what the expert said to do. Stick to the plan.”

It may work for some kids. But looking back, I believe it caused more harm than good for us.

There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t wish we had a “do-over” with him. We did not do that with our daughters who came later. For me, that advice from that “expert” was just mean. What I put my son through feels unacceptable to me now.

The frustrating thing is that the author is still selling millions of books to unsuspecting parents.

The Lesson for 2026: We know more now about the nervous system than we did then. We know about co-regulation. We know that a child’s nervous system cannot soothe itself; it needs to borrow the calm of the parent to learn how to regulate. [1]

By ignoring my gut instinct to go comfort my son, I was ignoring the biological connection that keeps us human.

So, my first recommendation to you is this: Consider the source. Apply plenty of perspective to any advice. If a book tells you to ignore your intuition, throw the book away.

The Pendulum Swing: Chaos vs. Rhythm

However, one mistake shouldn’t replace another.

I have seen the pendulum swing too far the other way in my practice. I see parents who are so afraid of being “mean” or “rigid” that they have a 3-year-old who is not on ANY type of schedule.

The kid eats when they want, sleeps when they crash, and runs the household. The parents are sleep-deprived zombies. The health of the entire family is suffering because of “no rules, no routine” parenting.

This is where the 100+ Living Tenet of Prevent comes in.

Routines are helpful when they serve the family. Used with caution, they are life-saving.

Why Your Brain Needs Rhythm Our nervous system requires rhythm to self-regulate. We have a Circadian Rhythm—a biological clock that controls hormones, digestion, and sleep. [2]

When a child (or an adult) has no routine, their cortisol (stress hormone) stays chronically high because their body never knows what is coming next.

Research has long shown that shift workers who flop back and forth from nights to days suffer ill health and significantly shorten their lifespan. [3] The same thing happens to a family with zero routine.

So, you have to find the “Goldilocks Zone.”

Think about:

• How much sleep do Mom and Dad need to function?

• How much sleep does the baby need to grow?

• What is a reasonable feeding window?

Some families will need more structure; some will need less. But you need a Health Building Rhythm.

Read a book, read a blog, listen to a podcast—but whatever you do, trust what feels right for your unique family. Once you establish a rhythm that builds health for everyone, stick with it and forget the experts. They are not you. They are not raising your kids. You are.

“You can always listen to advice, but you need to reserve the right not to follow it, no matter how well meaning.”

The Power of the “Dad Pause”

My second major learning on “not messing up my kids” is simple to say, but hard to do: Take a Breath.

This may seem obvious to all you really mature people out there. But for me, learning to consciously take a moment before responding to what my kids have done or said has been a game-changer.

In our Mind Tenet, we talk about the difference between Reacting and Responding.

• Reacting comes from the amygdala (the lizard brain). It is fast, emotional, and usually defensive.

• Responding comes from the prefrontal cortex (the human brain). It is slow, thoughtful, and rational.

I can’t tell you how important this has been for me. When I don’t do it, I leave a mess. I say things I regret. I escalate the situation.

The “Timeout on Yourself” This is more than just counting to 10. It is a conscious mental activity. Sometimes, it means literally calling a timeout on myself.

I will say to my kids, “I am frustrated right now, and I need a minute so I don’t say something mean. I’m going to the garage for five minutes.”

I leave the room. I breathe. I let my nervous system switch from “Fight or Flight” back to calm.

Usually, after that “mental moment,” I can come back and handle the situation with respect. I can even find some humor to put the situation in perspective.

Another helpful hint here is to remember to take the situation seriously, but NOT take myself seriously. My ego is not the point. The relationship is the point.

Casting Vision: The “12/10” Concept

My last learning is about how we see our kids.

Casting vision is not just for politicians, business leaders, and NFL coaches. It is the primary job of a parent.

John Maxwell is a guru in positive leadership. For years, he has taught leaders to treat every person they meet as if they have a “10/10” stamped on their forehead. [4]

As parents, I think we need to change that number to a 12/10.

Maybe it is just me, but it seems that our culture is more about judging our kids than celebrating them.

• Standardized test scores.

• Travel team tryouts.

• Social media comparisons.

• Academic qualifiers.

The list is endless. Every time our kids turn around, they are being measured, ranked, and often found lacking.

When I think about how many times today’s kids face rejection in their short lives compared to what I went through in the 80s and 90s, it is no wonder they have self-image issues.

Be the Chief Celebration Officer My job as a dad is to celebrate even the smallest win. My job is to cast a vision of how incredible they are, even when they don’t see it themselves.

This is not “fake” praise. Kids can smell fake praise a mile away. This is about honestly looking at their day and putting a spotlight on the win.

• Did they choose to go play outside with a friend instead of staying on their iPad? That is a win. (Connect Tenet!)

• Did they hold their tongue when their brother was being annoying? That is a massive win. (Mind Tenet!)

Neuroplasticity and Focus There is a business principle that applies perfectly to parenting: “You get more of what you focus on.”

This is based on the concept of neuroplasticity. The neural pathways you use the most get the strongest. [5]

If I focus on my child’s messiness, I reinforce the identity that “I am a messy kid.” If I focus on the one time in two weeks they made their bed, I reinforce the identity, “I am the kind of person who takes care of my space.”

If you want responsible behavior, notice the responsibility. Catch them doing something right.

The “Blue Zone” Family Strategy

So, how does all of this relate to living to 100?

At 100+ Living, we study the Blue Zones—places where people live the longest. One of the strongest commonalities in these zones is Family Connection.

In Sardinia, Italy, and Okinawa, Japan, families stick together. They support each other. The stress levels of the parents are lower because they aren’t trying to be perfect; they are just trying to be present.

Parenting can be incredibly stressful. Chronic stress is the enemy of longevity. If you spend 18 years in a state of high cortisol because you are trying to follow every “expert” rule, you are damaging your heart, your brain, and your immune system.

But if you can:

1. Filter the advice (Take what works, leave the rest).

2. Establish a rhythm (Protect your sleep and sanity).

3. Master the pause (Protect your relationships).

4. Celebrate the wins (Build a positive culture).

…then parenting becomes a source of oxytocin and joy, not just stress. And joy is the ultimate longevity drug.

Conclusion: Find Your Tribe

If you have the opportunity, sit down with parents whose kids are grown and succeeding.

Don’t ask them about which stroller they bought. Ask them about the culture of their home. The gems you will get from an hour over coffee with a veteran parent will be priceless compared to any book.

We are all in this together. We are building a Tribe of families in the Okanagan who want to live differently.

I’d love to hear in the comments what secrets you have discovered in raising your kids. Many of my posts have more great stuff in the comments than I can ever come up with.

Share with our tribe what has worked for you. That is how we all become better parents, and how we build a generation of healthy, resilient kids.

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Stop Guessing with Your Family’s Health

Parenting is hard enough without worrying about whether your family is physically thriving. Do you have a “Health Building Rhythm” in your home?

At the 100+ Living Health Centre, we help families build the foundation for a long life—starting with the spine and nervous system. From checking your newborn’s alignment to helping Mom and Dad recover from stress, we are here to support your tribe.

• Click below to book a Family Check-Up with Dr. Jenkins or one of our 100+Living Doctors.  Let’s make sure your family’s nervous systems are calm, connected, and ready to grow.

References

1. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. (Explaining the biological necessity of co-regulation between parent and child).

2. Scheer, F. A., & Shea, S. A. (2014). Human circadian system and the beneficial effects of rhythm. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 16(3), 329. (The importance of routine for biological health).

3. Bøggild, H., & Knutsson, A. (1999). Shift work, risk factors and cardiovascular disease. Scandinavian Journal of Work, Environment & Health, 25, 85-99. (The long-term health costs of disrupted rhythms).

4. Maxwell, J. C. (2018). Developing the Leader Within You 2.0. HarperCollins Leadership. (The principle of believing the best in people).

5. Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Viking. (The science of neuroplasticity and focus).

6. Buettner, D. (2012). The Blue Zones: 9 Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who’ve Lived the Longest. National Geographic Books. (The role of family connection in longevity).

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About Dr. Graham Jenkins

Dr. Graham Jenkins is a chiropractor, longevity strategist, and the founder of the 100+ Living Health Centres in Kelowna, BC.

Dr. Jenkins is one of only a handful of Advanced Certified Chiropractic BioPhysics (CBP) doctors on the planet. This distinction places him in the top tier of structural rehabilitation experts worldwide. He is the author of the 100+ Living book series and the creator of the 100+ Living Plan, a comprehensive operating system for a life of strength, clarity, and purpose.

His vision is bold but simple: To turn the Okanagan Valley into the world’s next “Blue Zone.” By combining cutting-edge spinal correction with ancestral lifestyle habits and a supportive community, Dr. Jenkins believes we can create a culture where living to 100 is the norm, not the exception.